Alan opened his eyes. He was shivering and sweating at the same time and his head was throbbing abominably. Bright sunlight burned through his eyelids and into the back of his skull. Shading his eyes carefully he looked around. He was in his own room. His terror was from within; another attack. He must have forgotten his tablets again. He looked round again to reassure himself. Familiar objects surrounded him; The scratched and battered bookcase with its scanty collection of dog-eared books and tatty magazines; the fireside coal scuttle and the little stand of fire brushes glinting in the sunlight; the ancient roll top desk with its tarnished brass fittings and its coffee stained wood that cast a shadow over half the room. The shutter on the desk was rolled back and its contents were strewn around. What a hell of a mess he'd made earlier searching for ..... the whisky bottle! That was it! He stood up groggily and moved over to the desk. Now that he knew what he was looking for he was able to go straight to it in the bottom drawer. He grabbed his tobacco tin and some matches at the same time and made his unsteady way back to the chair. Sitting back, he took a swig of whisky and lit a joint. It was a good job, he thought, that he'd salvaged all the half smoked butts the other night. He could never have rolled one the way he felt at the moment. Relaxing, he finished the butt and took another swig of whisky. Thinking 'God I feel bloody terrible', he closed his eyes and drifted back into dreams.

October 1967.

I awoke suddenly, legs thrashing and body twisting wildly. I was trying to scream but no sound was coming out. Even as my panic mounted I knew that I had simply been having another attack. Holding onto that thought I began to bring my body back under control. Someone was restraining me, straddling my chest and holding my hands in his.... or was it her .... hands. Finally gaining control, I opened my eyes to find Sue sitting astride my chest, her breasts heaving under the thin nightdress.

Seeing that I was over the attack she released my head and slid off my body. Behind her someone knocked frantically at the door. "It's all right Tommy, I'm decent, you can come in." she said, adjusting the straps of her nightdress. The door opened and Tommy rushed in, followed closely by Jenny. "Are you OK Alan?" he asked, the concern showing in his face. "We heard you from the kitchen. Jenny was just starting breakfast".

"I'm fine now" I replied. "I think I may have forgotten my medication last night ?". Pass me the box over will you. I'll check."

"You scared me" Sue said. "I've never been with you before when that has happened. Are you sure you're OK" I smiled at her and nodded. "I need a cup of tea to steady my nerves" she continued. "Come on Jenny, I'll help you with breakfast. I know Alan will be O.K. with Tommy; he's seen it all before".

"More than you realise" Tommy murmured under his breath as the two women left the room. He came and sat on the bed. "You're going to have to start remembering to take those tablets
every time" he said, gently stroking my forehead. He gave me quick kiss and stood up. "I'd better get out before I do something I shouldn't. We take too many risks as it is!".

As I dressed I thought about the previous few days. Sue and Jenny had stayed for almost a week this time because Jenny's parents had been away that long. They were due back today, so the two of them would go home for a few days at least. Sue only stayed overnight if Jenny could, thank God. Even so, it was quite a strain keeping up appearances. Sue had been concerned for some time that something was wrong with me in that department. I put it down to my newly diagnosed disability. The illness was only in a mild form and the medication was supposed to control it; at least when I remembered to take it consistently; but it was a heaven sent excuse to explain my distinct lack of interest in her. She had no inkling of the real reason, although she had nearly caught Tommy and I together once. We had forgotten that she was coming round so when she knocked on the door we were caught in the act so to speak, Tommy had grabbed his clothes and dived back into his room and I had to let her in pulling a pair of trousers on as I did so. She thought that I was just getting changed.

Tommy had moved in with me a couple of weeks after we came back from Blackpool. It solved a number of problems in one go. I was in a large flat which I was having difficulty in affording by myself. Tommy was not to happy living at home; he had no privacy he said. He was also concerned about my health and wanted to keep an eye on me until I found out what was wrong. I had suffered four more fits in the fortnight following the last attack in Paulo's flat. I was undergoing tests at the hospital but was still waiting for confirmation of the results. These were the verbalised excuses for the move, but the real reason was simpler. We simply couldn't keep our hands off each other. We had been living a lie for so long that there was a lot of catching up to do.

We had been living together for about three months now, although we wouldn't have put in those words; sharing a flat sounded better. The initial passion had run it's course and we were settled into an agreeable routine. We each had our own room, and in fact we rarely slept together overnight. He said that I snored and I complained that he fidgeted all the time. Mostly we got together for an hour or two when one of felt lonely and wanted a cuddle. That usually meant after Sue and Jenny had stayed for the evening or overnight. I always felt a bit low after being round her.

I had a lot of guilt about my relationship with Sue. I knew that I was deceiving her, and what was worse, I was using her to hide behind. I no longer loved her; in fact I doubted if I ever had. The whole relationship was a charade and I didn't know how to extricate myself without bringing the whole house of cards down on top of me. Sue was beginning to suspect that my lack of interest was more than just my illness. Although we'd never been passionate lovers, my performance had always been adequate until Blackpool. Victor and then Tommy had highlighted the inadequacies in me as far as Sue was concerned, and my continuing affair with Tommy only accentuated my dissatisfaction with her.

As my discomfort about our relationship grew so did her spite. I had always found her shrewish, but recently she'd seemed to go out of her way to wind me up and annoy me. Not always of course. She could still be a delightful, caring person but those times were
becoming fewer. This morning had been one of those times; she had seemed genuinely concerned about me after my fit. The previous time, a week or so earlier, she'd just walked off when I had an attack, saying that it was my own stupid fault for forgetting to take my tablets. I knew that I would have to talk to her and Tommy; at different times of course; to try to sort something out.

"There's a letter for you from Blackpool" Tommy announced, coming into the bedroom. "I managed to sneak it past the girls. I think you'd better hide it until later". I nodded in agreement and slipped the letter into the back pocket. Sue had a habit of reading my mail over my shoulder.

"They're going home today. We should be shot of them by lunch time".

"Not before time either" Tommy muttered under his breath. I smiled grimly. We both knew the first thing we would do when they were gone.

We were playing football that afternoon but with one thing and another we left it until the last possible minute to get to the ground and we had to rush to get changed. We came into a lot of ribbing from the rest of the team.

"You two get later every week" The coach snapped. "You'll have to invest in new alarm clocks; or will one do?"

"It might if it's as big as your gob" I shot back.

"They couldn't get their lasses off their shirt tails" someone else shouted across the changing room.

"Not quite" Tommy chipped in. "Alan couldn't get his lass off his cock".

"Throw a bucket of water over them did you" from another wag.

"No, just invited the neighbours in to watch. That soon cooled his ardour!".

We took stick like that every week from both the football and rugby teams, but so did everyone else, and as we could give as good as he got, no-one thought anything about it. The jokes had been a bit near the mark for a couple of weeks after Tommy had moved in with me. We solved that problem by deciding that attack was the best form of defence. We became totally outrageous, touching everyone up in the showers; which we had started using; and making salacious and suggestive comments to them as loudly as we could. The other team members lapped it up and we became something of a legend in our own bathtime; always game for anything,.

I was getting dressed after the match when I found the letter from Blackpool in my pocket. Scanning it with increasing pleasure I stuffed it back in my pocket, finished dressing and grabbed Tommy, telling him to hurry up.

"Hurry up Tommy" someone said. "Alan can't wait to get you home for his meat and two veg".

"Not tonight" Tommy replied. "I've got something better on, haven't I Rosser". He looked at the goalie and winked broadly. "OOPS, sorry Rosser. It just slipped out". We dodged out through the door to a fusilade of dirty socks and jock-straps. "I think you got the last word in that time" I commented as we ran for the bus.

"What's the hurry anyway?" Tommy queried as we settled down for the journey home. "You'd think you had a hot date the way you rushed me out of there".
"You're not far short of the mark. Victor's here! He asked us to meet him at the bus station an hour ago". I showed Tommy the letter from Blackpool that had been sitting in my back pocket all day. His face lit up as he read it. I knew what was going through his mind.

Tommy and I harboured no jealous feelings about one another. We weren't lovers, but intimate friends who sometimes shared a bed for mutual comfort, support and sexual relief. This friendship allowed us to be totally honest about our feelings for other people and I knew that he had a naturally promiscuous, but so far unsatisfied nature. He had admitted to me on several occasions that he regretted not having got Victor into bed while we were in Blackpool. I suspected that he wanted to try as many different partners as he could before he had to settle down with Jenny or some other girl. We both knew that; unless our lives changed dramatically, we would both end up with wives and families; with whatever we could get from one another or from the occasional passing stranger; on the side. It wasn't a prospect that promised a great deal of excitement for either of us especially if I ended up marrying Sue; a future that was looking less attractive by the day. I knew that most of the blame for the situation was mine. If I were more attentive to her she would probably become a bit more like the woman I'd first met; but it was so hard to keep the lie going. "Why does life have to be such a bitch?" I mumbled under my breath.

Tommy looked at me. "Thinking about Sue again are you?". I nodded glumly. "I know we'll both have to sort out our love lives sometime" he continued, "but let's leave it for today. We have a guest to entertain; that is if he's still here. How late are we?".

"A couple of hours" I replied. "Don't worry! If he's not there I've got an idea where he might have gone".

"Where?".

"Let's see if he's at the bus station first. You might not be too keen on the alternative".

"Tommy leaned across to whisper in my ear. "I've just had a lovely thought. I don't suppose you'd fancy a threesome?".

"You're incorrigible" I spluttered. "Let's find him first. We'll decide who's going to get him when we get home!". I squeezed his hand under cover of my kit bag just to let him know the idea had possibilities.

When we got to the bus station there was no sign of Victor. Tommy looked so disconsolate that I had great trouble subduing a fit of the giggles. "How desperate are you to get your hands on him?" I asked seriously.

Tommy looked at me suspiciously. " I don't think I'm going to like the answer to this question but what have you got in mind?".

I took a deep breath. "I remember Victor saying once that every town has a gay bar and that if you were going to a strange place someone would always be able to point you in the right direction if you asked around before you set off".

"I'm not bloody well going to the 'Junction'" Tommy moaned. "Please don't do this to me Alan. I wouldn't want to be seen within a mile of the place. It's too well known". That was true. Most of our mates knew the pub's reputation as a 'queers' bar. It was common knowledge around the city.

Twenty minutes later we arrived outside the pub still debating the wisdom of going in. I was dubious but willing to give it a go while Tommy was torn between his desire for Victor's body and his fear of being seen in such surroundings. We had discussed the dangers of using a gay bar shortly after returning from Blackpool and had decided jointly that the risk of being seen going in to such a place was too great. In any case we concluded that we didn't really need a gay bar because we could satisfy one another's needs, at least for the foreseeable future.

"We can't stand outside all night!" I pointed out logically. " I don't know what you're going to do but I'm getting inside before we're spotted". With that I pushed the door open and walked in. Tommy came in pretty sharply behind me.

The room inside was long and dark. Although in reasonable decorative condition there was a film of nicotine over the walls, ceiling and woodwork, giving the whole place a yellowed ageing ambience. About half the tables were occupied but I spotted Victor immediately. He was sitting about halfway down the bar talking to someone but I couldn't see the other guy's face because he had his back to the door.. With Tommy in tow I walked the length of the bar, feeling eyes staring at me from all sides. "Hi Victor" I managed. "Sorry we're late. I didn't open your letter until tea time".

Victor looked up smiling and his companion looked round.

"Christ! I didn't realise Victor had another brother" Tommy commented under his breath.

"Hello Alan" Victor said.

"Hello Alan" David said at the same time.

I froze for a second then turning on my heels I ran from the pub in a blue funk. I was half way up Vicar Lane before Tommy and Victor caught up with me, grabbing me by the arms and forcing me to a stop. I looked round wildly but there was no sign of David. I stood there trembling with.... anger; fear or something else. I didn't know. Tommy and Victor fussed around me, jabbering away while I tried to collect my thoughts.

"OK! You can let go now. I'm not going to run away again" I said finally, giving the two of them a wan little smile.

Tommy stood directly in front of me. "What the hell was all that about?" he demanded.

I thought rapidly. I'd never told him anything about David and this didn't seem the right time to start. "I'm sorry I panicked back there" I began. "It's just that I didn't expect the first person I saw in there to be someone I used to know. It freaked me out a bit". Victor looked at me oddly but said nothing.

"I thought that I was the paranoid one" Tommy quipped, giving me one of his special smiles. "What do you want to do now?".

Victor interrupted. "I'm going to have to go back to the bar to get my bags if nothing else" he stated. "I left them behind the bar with the landlady".

I took a deep breath. "I'll come back in with you; that is if you don't mind Tommy?". He indicated assent. "I ought to apologise to David for my rudeness if nothing else".

When we got back inside the pub David had gone. I heaved a sigh of relief but at the same time a small twinge of disappointment fluttered in the pit of my stomach. There was an almost full pint of bitter on the table where Victor and David had been sitting and beside it an empty glass.

"Is that your pint?" I asked. Victor. He nodded. "I suppose we'd better stay for one ourselves then. I hate to see good beer going to waste. You don't mind do you Tommy?".

"Stop asking me if I mind! We're here now and we've already been in and out of that door three times. Once more might just be once too often!".

Tommy went to the bar for a couple of drinks while Victor and I sat down. He looked at me quizzically for a moment. "When that guy walked in earlier I had a feeling that it might be your friend David. You once told me that I reminded you a lot of him and I see what you meant now. What you said outside more or less confirmed it. I'm right aren't I?".

I nodded, not daring to look him in the eye. "Keep quiet about this when Tommy comes back please. I've never got round to telling him about David".

"I understand. What's the score between you and Tommy these days. Are you still an 'affair'?".

"Not exactly" I replied. "We'll tell you the score when we get back to my flat". I smiled at the thought of what might be in store. "You might just be in for a nice surprise".

"Can't wait!" Victor commented.

Tommy returned with the drinks and we spent a few minutes catching up on news. Finally Tommy asked the question that had been hovering in the back of both our minds ever since Victor's letter had arrived. "You didn't give us much warning that you were coming. Is something wrong? What would you have done if we hadn't turned up?".

"I can look after myself" Victor answered. "I'd already been asked back by a couple of people before you came in. I turned them down though. I knew you'd come through for me". He gave me a sly wink. "Mind you I was beginning to wonder if you'd got my letter. I'd started to hedge my bets by working on Alan's old friend". He looked at me. "Don't worry!" he added hastily, seeing the look of consternation on my face. "I think I'd just about convinced him that I was his long lost cousin. In fact I was beginning to convince myself as well. There was a striking similarity in our looks don't you think?".

Tommy nodded vigorously. "I thought he was another of your brothers when we walked in didn't I Alan?". I nodded, wishing that Victor would stop playing games with me. He might be having fun but I wasn't.

I changed the subject. "I hope you're not avoiding the other part of Tommy's question? Nothing's wrong is it?".

Victor sat quietly for a moment, eyes downcast and a blush showing pink under his suntan. Finally he spoke. "I have got a bit of a problem" he admitted. "I've had to get out of Blackpool for a while to give things a chance to blow over. I'll tell you about it later though. This isn't the place. I suppose I can stay with you".

"Of course you can!" I replied. "There's one thing you ought to know though. Tommy's living with me now". Victor looked surprised and then a bit despondent at the news so I quickly reassured him. "Don't go sulky on me. You ought to remember that Tommy and I aren't the jealous types. There'll be no surprise for you if you don't behave yourself".

"What surprise is that?" Tommy interjected, a lecherous smile on his face. I gave him a playful clip round the ear.

Victor looked from Tommy to me and then back again, amusement hovering in his eyes. "I think we ought to go; if only to find out what you two evil queens have been cooking up for my entertainment".

It was his turn to get a clip round the ear, this time from Tommy and me in unison. "Call us queens again and you'll be sleeping on your own!" I informed him tartly, pushing him none too gently out of the door.

Back at the flat I had a chat with Tommy while Victor was having a bath. "I haven't forgotten your suggestion" I said. "What you have in mind sounds like fun but I'd like to have a bit of time with Victor by myself first. You don't mind do you?".

"Of course not" he replied. "I wouldn't want it any other way. He's your friend after all. If it was the other way round and it was Paulo here instead of Victor I'd expect the same sort of consideration". He paused for a moment. "On second thoughts though" he continued, a wicked little smile on his face. "I'd probably dump him in your bed and go back to the Junction. That lad David would make a very acceptable substitute for....". He ducked in astonishment as I took a wild swing at him. "Hey calm down!" he yelled. "I didn't know you were so touchy. I thought that he was just some kid from your past". He grabbed me, pinning my arms to my side and threw us both to the floor, landing on top of me. I raged at him for a moment and then; just as suddenly as it had flared; my temper drained away leaving me drained and trembling in his arms.

Tommy held me until I'd regained my composure. "I'm sorry about that" I said finally. "I didn't mean to take a swing at you. You were right though. You did touch a raw nerve as far as David's concerned. He was my first lover. It was all very innocent though; we never really got past the cuddling stage and a bit of hand relief. He was the first person that I ever loved and I know that he loved me as well but I got hurt very badly at the end. I've never forgiven him for that!".

"So that's why you ran out of the pub. I thought it was rather a strong reaction if it was simply someone that you knew when you were younger". He held me closely, caressing my back and gently kissing my forehead and cheek. "Why didn't you tell me about him?".

"It's funny but I don't really know" I confessed, snuggling into him for reassurance. "When we went to Blackpool and things started between us I hadn't seen David for about three years. After he and I split up I decided that being gay was far too dangerous so I decided to go straight". I gave a cynical little laugh. "It just shows how naive I was. I had one or two girlfriends; nothing serious; but enough for me to convince myself that I wasn't queer. I was able to bury all the old memories of David and what he stood for. Then I met Sue and buried the past even more deeply. You know the rest".

"What did he do that hurt you so much?".

"Look Tommy. I don't want you to think that I'm hiding anything from you but there's not much more to tell". Even as I spoke I realised that there was a great deal that I had no intention of telling anyone; even Tommy. "It's all in the past and that's where I want it to stay. I've got you and I don't need anything more". Without warning I wriggled out from under him, pinned him to the floor on his stomach and rolled on top of him. "Except for this!" I whispered, groping at my belt.

A few minutes later we were making love on the carpet when the door opened. Victor stood there naked and wet; a towel hanging from his erection. "Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" he asked in his most innocent tone. "I've polished up my party piece for you". I waved one hand, signalling him to join us.

An hour or so later Victor and I retired to my room leaving Tommy asleep on the settee as fully sated by our attentions as we were by his. Settling on the bed with a bottle between us; vodka this time; I reminded him gently that he hadn't answered Tommy's earlier question.

"What are you doing here then? Last time we spoke; before I left Blackpool; I got the distinct impression that your work wasn't leaving you enough time for either social calls or holidays.

"I suppose you have a right to know why I've descended on you like this" Victor acknowledged, looking distinctly embarrassed. "It's going to be very difficult for me to explain so please bear with me if I seem to ramble on a bit.... No! let me finish before you start asking questions". He paused, giving me a wan smile as I acknowledged assent.

"When we first met I told you that I hadn't been on the gay scene long. That's true as far as it goes but I left a lot out. I'll have to begin by giving you a bit of my family history. After my mother remarried we went to live in Dorset with my new step-father. Paulo lived with us for a while but he couldn't stand the isolation of the place and he got out on his eighteenth birthday without telling our parents. He's never contacted them since and as far as I know they have no idea where he is. I was twelve at the time and he'd already seduced me; not that it was much of a seduction; I was a willing participant. I suppose I must have got a taste for his games because I missed him like hell when he left".

"The only contact he ever had with anyone was to send me a card for my thirteenth birthday. He'd slipped a note into it with a phone number and a time to ring him. When I did he told me that he was in Blackpool and that he'd managed to find a place to live and a way to make some money. We kept in touch for about a year before I decided that I wanted to join him. At that time I was really miserable. My mother and step-father were fighting all the time and I was getting a lot of unwelcome attention from a man at the local school. Everyone thought he was the caretaker's father but, looking back now, I wouldn't be surprised if he was his lover. I was getting bullied at school too so, all in all, life was pretty shitty.

"Anyway; one night after everyone had gone to bed I stole my stepfather's wallet; he always had it stuffed with a roll of notes; and I managed to hitch a lift to Southampton with a lorry driver. I paid very dearly for that ride. He was a sadistic bastard and I was sore for days afterwards. To cut a long story short I ended up in London and from there I took a coach to Blackpool, arriving there a couple of days after I'd left home".

"To say that Paulo was surprised to see me would be something of an understatement. I hadn't given him any warning that I was coming because I was afraid that he'd say no. As it was he tried to pack me off back home. I only managed to change his mind by threatening to run away back to London and lose myself completely. He gave in then and let me stay with him. That was two years ago".

"For a while it was like being on one long holiday. Paulo always seemed to have plenty of money and he spent it freely on me. I felt that I had to share his bed whenever he suggested it but even that was great fun. He was kind and gentle and made me feel special".

He was already living in the flat in St Anne's and various friends of his often used to stay. One night he asked if I would mind if one of his friends shared the bed with us. He was a lot older than either of us; probably in his late thirties; but he was quite a famous actor and very good looking so I readily agreed. About a week later he asked if I would mind sleeping with another of his friends but this time without him being there, Again the guy was good looking so once again I said yes".

This went on for about six weeks and it still didn't dawn on me what was going on. It was only when I refused one of his requests because I didn't fancy the guy that the truth came out. We had a blazing row, or rather he did; I just cowered on the settee. He pointed out that if I wanted to stay with him I had to earn my keep. Paulo told me that he'd been providing services himself ever since he'd arrived in Blackpool and that he'd built up quite a list of punters, but that some of them had specialised tastes and that was where I came in. I remember that he shouted at me for ages but then his temper began to cool and he became apologetic, cuddling me and saying that he would look after me. After talking to me for about an hour he convinced me that there wasn't any alternative. His line was that since I enjoyed sex with men anyway I might as well get a bit more out of it than just a good time. He even showed me a bank book in my name. It had more than a hundred pounds in it; money that he said was my share of what I'd already earned without knowing. Although I didn't know the words for it at the time I understood instinctively that I was now on the game and that Paulo was pimping for me". He took a swig of his gin and I took the opportunity to interrupt.

"If you were fourteen two years ago that means that you're......"

"Just gone sixteen" he finished. "How old did you think I was?".

"I'd never really considered it" I admitted, "but I assumed that you were around the same age as me".

"Paulo always says that I look old for my age. He commented a while ago that I wouldn't be able to go on much longer serving his 'special' clients. He said that he was already starting to look for someone younger to replace me. He could be a bastard when the mood took him. I don't think he even had any 'special' clients until I turned up on his doorstep". He wiped a tear from his cheek and I instinctively put my arm around him in a gesture of support.

"Is that why you left Blackpool and came here?" I asked quietly.

"Oh no! I've not finished my story yet" he replied. "Paulo was good to me in his own way. He kept paying money into that bank account for me and he was always generous to me when it came to new clothes or spending money. Mind you I had to do more and more to keep the punters happy. Do you remember that night at Paulo's. I told you that I moved out because I was fed up of cooking and cleaning after his friends?" I nodded dumbly.

"Well that was sort of true; or at least the housemaid part was. As I got older, the 'special' clients I had to cater for got more and more peculiar".

"Things came to a head one night about a year ago after I'd finished working for the night, and Paulo and I were having a quiet drink in the flat. I'd a little too much to drink and I began to tell Paulo exactly what I thought of his 'special' friends. He let me rant on for a while before stopping me. Then he told me he'd been thinking about things and he'd come to a couple of decisions. First of all he handed me a bank book. When I opened it I almost fainted with shock. It contained well over a thousand pounds. He then informed me that he'd found me a little flat for me in the town centre, close to the tower. He suggested that we could go and have look at it there and then. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'd moved into that room you saw by lunch time the next day, and by tea time my room at St Anne's had been taken by some young kid that Paulo had picked up at the railway station".

"The bastard!" I said, staring at him in astonishment.

"Oh he wasn't. At least mot on that occasion", Victor replied. "He'd suspected for some time that I wasn't as happy as at first, but he said that he didn't want to be the one to ask me to leave. He said that because I was only fifteen he wanted it to be my decision to go my own way. He was expecting it though. In fact he'd been holding that room for me for the previous couple of weeks in anticipation of me wanting to get out. As for the money I've earned; that's still in the bank. I haven't had to touch any of it so far. Hang on a minute". He jumped off the bed and scrabbled round in his rucksack for a few seconds. "Here it is" he said finally, tossing a bank savings book in my direction. Looking at it I noted that the total cash came to just a little less than fifteen hundred pounds. I also saw the last entry, for twenty pounds was only a few days old.

"Are you still....?, I began.

He cut me off in mid sentence. "It's all I know", He whispered, half ashamed, half defiant. "Don't forget, I can't exactly go out and get a proper job. I've been on the run from my parents and the authorities for over two years. Anyway, I've got ambitions.. By the time I'm legally old enough to do what I want, I want to be able to set myself up in a small business of some sort. To do that properly I need as much money as I can lay my hands on".

He started to put his arm round my shoulder; whether to give me some reassurance or to seek a bit of comfort for himself, I didn't know. Instinctively I tensed up and pulled away slightly. He stopped the movement of his arm and looked at me sadly. "Don't judge me too harshly Alan", he pleaded softly. "I was so young and so blind when this all started. It seemed like a great adventure at first. I trusted Paulo, and by the time I realised what his scheme was I was in too deep to get out" Tears sprang into his eyes but I was too confused and scared to touch him.

Eventually I managed to find my voice. "I think I can come to terms with you being a prostitute" I said. He winced at the word. "What's frightening me is the thought of all those diseases you might have picked up from your punters".

I didn't know about VD and the other infections when I first started" Victor admitted, "but Paulo soon put me wise. He told me that I had to wear a durex or insist that my client wear one every time we had full sex. He even showed me how to put them on one night". Victor smiled at the memory. "That wasn't all though. One of my regulars was a doctor, and he used to give us all a check up in that department every couple of months. I've probably been lucky, but I've managed to avoid catching anything at all so far".
"You just said that the doctor gave you all a check up. How many of you were there?".

"If you mean how many lads did Paulo look after, then four or five. There was me and Danny. He was the young lad that replaced me; he's about fifteen now and he's been replaced by a new kid. Danny's in the room below mine in fact. We share the kitchen and bathroom. I've never met the new lad; he's only been at Paulo's a couple of weeks. Anyway, he's number three; then there's “Tess"

Surprised, I said "I didn't realise that Tess was into that sort of thing"

"Don't you believe it. Tess is the one that got Paulo involved when he first arrived in Blackpool. She was never very good at looking after herself though, so in the end Paulo stepped in and took over as her....." The sentence petered out into an embarrassed silence.

"You mentioned that there were four or five people. Who was the fifth?"

"I've never been quite been sure if there was anybody else" Victor mused. It's just that there were times when I refused to do certain things for clients; a lot of times in fact. Paulo always said that if that happened I had to tell him about it and tell the client concerned that alternative arrangements could be made. I knew that none of the rest of us were involved in things like that, so I suppose that there had to be someone else".

"Something puzzles me" I said as a thought clicked into my head. "You said that Danny has the room below yours. That's a bit of a coincidence isn't it?"

"Sorry. Haven't I ever mentioned it. Paulo didn't just rent the room for me when he made arrangements He bought the whole house so that he could keep us all under one roof. Tess lives there as well, and even Zandra has a flat on the ground floor. No she's not one of Paulo's.... workers" he added hurriedly as I began to ask the inevitable question. "I'm not quite sure what the score is there. I suppose Zandra's there to keep an eye on the rest of us. Paulo keeps a flat there for himself although he rarely uses it. He prefers to work from St Anne's. He says that he can take a better class of client back there. Don't look so surprised" he said, seeing the look on my face. "Paulo works as hard as any of us. I think that's the reason that were all so loyal to him. He's not at all like the pimps who control the women. Sure, if he gets me a client he expects his cut, but what I find for myself, I keep"

"What did he say when he saw me with you"

"You'd be shocked if I told you" he answered.

"How do you mean. Was he angry because I wasn't a paying customer" I snapped.

He looked at me, pain showing in his eyes. "That wasn't fair" He said quietly. "Even rent boys can have time off for a private relationship and I need to be loved for myself sometimes, not just for what I provide". Tears were flowing copiously down his cheeks so this time I took him into my arms. The tears stopped eventually and in a whisper, he continued his story.

"I suppose it's only fair that you should know everything. Paulo wanted me to try and talk you into staying in Blackpool and he said that he was going to work on Tommy. There are still four or five empty rooms in that house. I refused point blank to do it. We had quite a row about it in fact. For once in my life I met someone in you who I liked as well as Paulo, so I was able to stand up to him".

I was dumfounded. "You mean he was planning to...!" I trailed off in disbelief. Victor nodded miserably. Something he had just said struck me. "You can still say that you like Paulo after all that he's done to you?" I queried in astonishment.

"It's more than just liking", Victor replied. "I've loved him ever since we first met. Oh he can be a bastard sometimes but he can also be the most considerate, caring and loving person in the world. You have to understand that I can't blame him entirely for what's happened to me. I chose to do the things that he suggested and most of the time I've really enjoyed myself doing them. The money comes in handy too" he finished dismissively.

"Seems like you've been having a good time" I commented sourly, "so why did you leave it all and come here?".

"Paulo was arrested on Monday. I had to get out pretty sharpish".

"Why?" I asked, stunned. "What happened?".

"The new lad; the one who replaced Danny; went to the police and told them everything. They know all about me and Danny; what we've been doing; how old we are; everything. If they catch me I'll be sent back to my parents or worse. I couldn't stand the shame of that so I had to get out". He burst into tears again.

I cradled him in my arms, trying to soothe him. "You're talking about shame but I don't think you've got anything to be ashamed about" I said. "You were too young to understand what you were getting into. I remember thinking when I first did anything with David that we must be the only two people in the world to do things like that. I was so innocent and naive. If I'd been in your place I don't know what I'd have done, but its perfectly possible that I might have ended up in exactly the same position as you".

"I know that you're trying to reassure me" Victor said as he dried his eyes, "But I don't think that my mum would see things the same way and if Paulo's father ever finds out, he'll kill the pair of us. I can't afford to have any regrets about what I've done" he added defensively. "If I had, I'd probably go mad. I'm going to have to keep right on doing the same things if I want to get enough money together to set myself up in business, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't feel dirty and sordid if I ever had to face my family. They'll probably know by now; that little shit told the police everything!"

"What are you going to do?".

"I'm thinking of going to London eventually" he replied. "I know one or two people in the 'smoke' and I can lose myself easily enough. Once I get there they'll never catch me! In the mean time though, I'd like to stay her for a few days if you'll let me. I've got something to sort out".

"I'll have to ask Tommy" I replied, "but I can't see any problem there. He's fancied you ever since Blackpool you know. We'd already agreed to let you into a threesome before you joined us after your bath. That was going to be your big surprise".

At last Victor laughed. "I'd guessed that" he commented drily. "You both seem to have enjoyed my party piece. I certainly did. In fact, I think I'm ready for a private encore" He snuggled deeper into my arms and his hands began to caress my buttocks. After a moment of doubt and uncertainly I succumbed to his body and to my mounting desires.

We woke to the smell of bacon and eggs, served to us in bed by Tommy. While he was out of the room getting coffee, Victor asked me not too say anything about the previous nights conversation. "The less that people know about my past, the less chance there is of someone letting something slip, even accidentally, and getting me into bother". I assented, accepting the validity of his argument.

"What are we going to do now that we've got a free day?" Tommy asked when breakfast was finished and we were finally out of bed. He turned to Victor. "We usually play rugby on Sunday afternoon, but there's no match on this week".

"I hadn't even thought about it" I said. "I suppose we could always go to the pictures or something".

"I don't think I'll be able to come with you" Victor interjected. "I mentioned last night that I've got a bit of business to sort out. I need to be in town this afternoon for a while".
"I can come down with you if you like" I offered, curious and a bit suspicious. "I didn't realise that you knew anyone in Bradford"

"I don't!" he answered in a tone which said 'mind your own Business '. Just tell me where the bus stop is and I'll be OK".

I bit my tongue, thinking to myself, 'he's quite right; it isn't any of my business where he's going'. His secrecy still niggled though. He must have realised that I was thinking the worst, so perhaps he didn't want to tell me because he knew that I wouldn't really approve. I tried to put my concerns to the back of my mind and concentrate on what Tommy was saying.

Tommy and I spent a lazy day at he flat, only leaving at tea time to catch the six fifteen showing of Eisenstein's 'Battleship Potemkin' at the Film Theatre in Leeds Road. Leaving the cinema after the film we decided to call in for a drink at he 'Jacob's Well'. The pub served a good pint of Tetley's bitter and it was just round the corner from the bus stop home. We settled into a corner of the bar with our drinks and Tommy opened the conversation.

"Victor seemed a little short with you this morning" he said "There wasn't anything wrong after last night was there". I shook my head. "I just wondered if there might be a bit of jealousy on his part because I was with you when he walked back in".

I reassured him. "I don't think that you've anything to worry about on that score. He'd already guessed what we had in mind. He wouldn't have joined in if he hadn't wanted to. After all, we've had as much cause to be jealous as he has but it hasn't happened with us so far has it? Were all free agents when it comes to bed partners. Let's talk about something else shall we".

Tommy persisted. "Just one more question. How do you feel about him; your real feelings I mean? I know what you've told me in the past but is that what you really think?".

"Up to last night I wasn't sure how I felt" I answered finally. "After all we'd only spent a couple of days together. I like Victor a lot but I wasn't sure how much of that was him and how much was his resemblance to David". I paused, trying to sort out the jumble of thoughts in my head. I'd tried to block David out of my mind ever since he'd hurt me so badly but the memories kept on coming back to haunt me.

Finally I picked up the conversation again. "We had a long talk about all sorts of things and we both decided that we'll never be more than close friends. Not best friends though - that post was filled a while back". Tommy gave me a smile of acknowledgement as I continued.

"There's a much more urgent problem to consider. We mentioned it in passing yesterday but we really do have to give it serious consideration at some point and now seems as good a time as any".

"Jenny and Sue!" Tommy said. We both fell silent for a while.

"How do you feel about Jenny?" I queried finally.

"She expects that we'll get married sometime" he answered after a pause. "I sometimes think that'll be the best thing to do. It makes a kind of sense to lock this other Tommy away in the back of my mind and try to live a normal life with a wife and kids. I like Jenny a lot. We get on very well together and the sex is.... It's nothing terrific but it's OK so I suppose it might work". He paused and tears filled his eyes. I kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought.

Finally he spoke again. "I know that it's wishful thinking really but this last few months with you have been the happiest of my life. I want it to go on forever but I know that it 's not going to last. I'm terrified that people will find out that I'm queer and I don't know if I could handle that. At the same time though it's all so vibrant and exciting. Gay people are so alive compared to my family and our friends. Now that I've discovered this part of myself I don't want to give it up. I know I made a lot of fuss about going to the Junction yesterday but once we got inside I realised that I've been wanting to go there ever since we went to Lucy's bar. I'd
like to go back again but I wouldn't dare go on my own, at least not just yet". He sat back and looked at me. "Have you any idea what you're going to do about Sue?".

"I've thought about that quite a lot" I admitted. "You seem to feel pretty much the same as me and like you I've been in a dither about coming to a decision. I think that I've finally managed make up my mind though". Tommy leaned forward expectantly, waiting for me to continue. Finally I did so.

"I said we feel pretty much the same way but actually there are a couple of differences. In the first place I've been there before as far as sex with men is concerned and I've been trying to go straight since I finished with David. The result of that is that I got involved with your sister. It's not working out now and I don't suppose that it would work out in the future either. Secondly; unlike you and Jenny I don't even like Sue all that much any more. She's become very spiteful and vindictive. I know that she's not entirely to blame; I've not been on top form myself recently". I grimaced with embarrassment. "I can't even get it up for her these days".

"Don't worry!" Tommy said. "Her vindictiveness isn't all your fault. She's always been a self-centred little bitch. I should know! I used to think it was just with me though. It's reassuring to know that someone else sees her in the same light". He looked me straight in the face. "You're going to dump her aren't you?".

"Sort of" I replied, "but I'd rather wangle it so that she dumps me. I want to leave her that much at least".

"How are you going to do that?".

"I haven't got the foggiest idea at the moment Tommy. If you come up with any ideas then let me know". After that our conversation drifted on in a desultory fashion.

We had both been sitting quietly, making the occasional inconsequential comment about something or other when Tommy suddenly jabbed me sharply in the ribs. "Will you just look at him!" he said, indicating the bar with a nod of his head. I didn't need to have the guy pointed out to me a second time. Even from the side he was stunning with fashionably long blond hair, long eyelashes and a faultless complexion. He also looked about fourteen years old. At that moment he was giving the barman a piece of paper. I could see the barman saying something and by straining I could pick out a "....arranged to meet.... my birth certificate.... know I look young. I get trouble all....".
"....stay this time" the barman replied. Some mumbling followed; then "....stick to soft drinks if you don't mind. You can wait until....". he finally served the boy a pint of shandy and then moved off to look after his other customers. Picking his drink the lad looked around uncertainly and caught us both staring at him.

"Oh Christ!; he's seen us looking" I muttered under my breath.

"He's coming over" Tommy added.

The young man walked over and stood directly in front of me. Face on he really was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. I stared at him open mouthed.

"Excuse me" he said quietly, "but is this seat taken?". He indicated the empty seat opposite me.

"No" I finally managed to stammer. I picked up my pint and took a swig to hide my confusion, swallowed to much and began to cough.

"Take a pew" Tommy chipped in. "I warned Alan here that a whole pint would be too much for him. he never could hold his drink!". At that I choked completely and it took a couple of good slaps on my back from Tommy for me to get my breath back. Flashes of deja-vu flooded my mind. I had embarrassed myself once before choking on a drink in front of someone but I couldn't for the life of me recall the occasion. I eventually managed to pull myself together and settled down again, giving Tommy a murderous look in the process.

"My name's Daniel" our new companion volunteered. "I gather you're called Alan" he continued, looking at me. Finally he turned to Tommy, looking at him questioningly.

"That's Tommy" I butted in, not giving Him a chance to introduce himself. "He's supposed to be my best mate but sometimes that warped sense of humour turns him into my worst enemy, especially when he makes me spill my beer".

"All right! I can take a hint. I'll get another round" he said , holding up his hands in mock surrender. "It's my turn anyway!". He went off to the bar chuckling happily to himself.

"I hope you don't think I was rude staring at you like that" I began, flushing slightly. "It's just that....". I faltered, trying to find words that wouldn't drop me deeper in the shit.

Daniel held up his hand. "You don't need to explain. I've got used to people staring at me. It's one of the hassles of being attractive to other people. Mind you! It can be useful at times".

I looked at him in puzzlement. "How do you mean?" I queried.

"Take tonight" he said. When I came in here there were no empty tables and I didn't want to stand on my own at the bar. I learned a while back that being on my own in a pub; especially standing at the bar; isn't particularly comfortable. Too many people try to put the make on me if you know what I mean". I nodded, thinking to myself 'does he means what I think he means'. His next comment added fuel to my growing suspicions.

"Anyway; after I'd sorted out my little misunderstanding with the barman I looked around for somewhere to sit. I could feel everyone looking at me so I scanned the place for a friendly looking face. When....".

Tommy returned with our drinks at that point so I quickly recounted our conversation to him. I finished by asking Daniel "What made you pick us?".

"Instinct I suppose" he replied. "I don't quite know how it works but I usually seem to be able to pick up the right people". Tommy and I looked at him sharply. He looked away in confusion.

"Don't you think you ought to rephrase that" Tommy suggested quietly. I shot him a look to silence him and jumped in.

"Pull your chair closer Daniel. I want to ask you something and I don't want the whole pub to overhear". He did as I asked but he didn't wait for me to ask my question.

"I know what you're going to ask me and the answer is yes. Are you?".

"Yes!" I answered almost without thinking.

Tommy bridled for a moment but then visibly relaxed. "Count me in too" he said, smiling at the two of us. "It's funny but I never rated this thing about instinct until tonight". He looked at Daniel. "When I saw you at the bar I had you pegged as gay right away and you obviously clocked us too. When Paulo told me about....". he broke off in mid sentence as Daniel jumped out of his chair.

"I've got to go" he said, grabbing for his coat. "I didn't realise the time. I'll be locked out if I don't get back".

I jumped up almost as quickly; comprehension dawning; and pushed him firmly back into his chair. "I think you and I need to have a chat" I told him. He sat down without protest and waited for me to make the next move. I took a drink and turned back to Tommy. The look on his face was comical. he didn't have a clue about what was going on.

"Danny here" I said, emphasising his name, "is a friend of Victor and Paulo. I assume you came from Blackpool with Victor". Danny nodded assent. "Victor told me a lot of things in confidence last night" I continued. "He specifically asked me not to tell anyone so I hope you understand that I've got to respect his wishes".

"Doesn't he trust me?" Tommy said sourly.

"It's not like that at all " I replied. "You remember he said that he had some problems and he had to get away for a while. He didn't want to involve anyone else and that included us. It's as much for our own protection as anything. In the end he only told me because I more or less forced the truth out of him". Tommy still looked dubious. "He forgot to mention one thing though" I continued. "He never said that he'd brought someone with him. Danny being here changes things and I'm sure he'll tell you what's going on if you ask him now". Tommy seemed mollified by that so I turned back to Danny.
"Do you know why he didn't tell us that you were here with him?".

"Don't be angry with him" he said. "He was trying to protect you as much as he could. he felt that he was putting you on the spot by turning up here himself. He didn't want to impose on
you any more than he had to. He thought that the less anyone knew the safer everyone would be, including you two".

"Where are you staying then?".

"He found me a room in a boarding house just up the road. He's been keeping me company for most of the day but he left a couple of hours ago to go back to your place. I sat in for a
while after he'd gone but it was driving me round the twist. This is the third pub I've tried and even then I could only get a bloody shandy. I was hoping I could get drunk so that I wouldn't mind being by myself so much".

Danny looked so lonely; so innocent; that I made a decision there and then. "There doesn't seem to be much point in you going back to your digs now that we know about you. You're coming back to our place to stay with the rest of us!". His face lit up for a second then he sagged back into his chair.

"What about Victor?" he whispered. "He didn't want you to get involved with me because of the risks".

"What risks?" Tommy demanded.

"He's only fifteen" I replied to forestall a more revealing answer from Danny. "And he's run away from home!".

"You mean you're Victor's boyfriend" Tommy continued, picking up the obvious inference.

"No!" I said firmly. "Leave it for now please Tommy. I'll give Victor the chance to explain everything when we get back and if he doesn't, I will".

I turned back to Danny. "Why didn't Victor stay with you when you arrived if he didn't want to involve us with you. He needn't have told me he was coming".

"It was a last minute decision that I come along with him. He'd already written to say that he was on his way so I suppose his hands were tied there. He did stay with me the first night so that you would have chance to get the letter. In any case I know that he really wanted to see you. I think that, except for Paulo, you're the first person he's ever really been fond of. Don't tell him I told you that though. He'll kill me!".

"I might kill him if he doesn't come up with a decent explanation" Tommy muttered, picking up his jacket. "Come on! Let's go home so that I can hear what he has to say for himself".

Back at the flat Victor had been busy. The table was laid, complete with candles and the best cutlery and crockery. A Beatles album murmured in the background and a wonderful aroma of curry wafted through the place. "Hope you're hungry?" he called from the kitchen. "I thought I'd give you a bit of a treat to say thanks for having me. It should be just about ready".
I signalled Tommy and Danny into the lounge and indicated that they should keep quiet and then I slipped into the kitchen behind Victor and put my arms around him. "Of course we
could always have the afters first if you wish" he suggested, wriggling round to give me a kiss. "Curry will keep all night if necessary".

"I'm sorry but you'll have to wait for afters" I told him, disentangling myself from his embrace. "We've got company. Hope there's enough to go round?".

"Plenty" Victor said. "I'll just set another place at the table. He dug out more crockery and cutlery and carried them through. I followed behind. At the lounge door he stopped and everything slipped from his grasp, falling with a muffled thud to the carpet.

"What the....? Where did....? How....? He looked as if he was about to faint so grabbing him from behind, I guided him to the nearest chair, sat him down and perched on the arm next to him. Gently I began to explain the circumstances of our meeting with Danny. By the time I'd finished he was calm and in control of his emotions once more. "I owe you an apology" he said, taking my hand.

"More to the point I think you owe Tommy an explanation! I've tried to carry out your wishes but even so I've had to tell him a couple of things to stop him busting a gut".

"You're right of course. It wasn't fair of me to ask you to keep it secret from him. Let's have this curry then I'll give him the same privileges I gave you last night".

"They'd better be exactly the same!" I cautioned him. "Remember Tommy and I usually compare notes afterwards. In the meantime I'll take care of Danny.

"I'm sure you will" Tommy commented slyly. Danny blushed but said nothing.

Once the meal was finished Tommy disappeared into his room with Victor, leaving me and Danny to clear up. We bustled about for a few minutes without really saying anything, shyly avoiding eye contact. Finally I plucked up the courage to speak. "Victor mentioned a couple of things about you when we were talking about his problems last night. I know that you more or less took over from Victor as the new boy. Did you have any idea what you were letting yourself in for?".

"No!" Danny admitted. "I hadn't the slightest idea what I was going to do once I arrived in Blackpool. I didn't know anyone; I had very little money and nowhere to stay. I'd been sitting in the station for about half an hour trying to make up my mind when Paulo spoke to me. I shudder to think where I might have ended up if someone else had got there first".

I looked at him in surprise. "It couldn't have been much worse could it? I mean, Victor's told me how Paulo trapped him into doing the things that he did and that was with his own family. I can't see him caring any more about how he indoctrinated you!".

"It wasn't like that at all" Danny said defensively. "He was good to me and he didn't force me to do anything. After some of the things I'd been forced to do in the previous weeks just to survive Paulo was my saviour. He gave me back my dignity and manhood and he made me feel loved and wanted. Does that make sense?".
"Not really", I commented. "From what Victor's said about his experiences with Paulo, I would have thought that giving you your dignity and manhood were the last things on his mind. He was far more concerned with getting you into a position where he was able to earn money by hiring you out".

"What's biting you?", Danny snapped. "Victor said that you were an understanding and caring person. You don't seem very understanding to me"

"It's not exactly a turn on to be told by someone you've been sleeping with that he and his friends are on the game", I snapped back. "He even admitted that Paulo had ideas about roping me and Tommy in too. How should I feel?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about that bit" Tears were lurking in the corner of his eyes.

"No; I'm the one who should be sorry. I've got no right to take my feelings out on you like that. It's just that It's all been such a shock; I didn't know about any of this until last night and I'm still trying to take it all in". I offered him a cuddle and he came into my arms, tears streaming down his face. I let him cry for a while and then gently suggested that he should go into my bedroom and let his feelings out in private. "I'll make some coffee and bring it to you in about ten minutes. He nodded and still sobbing; went into my room, closing the door behind him.

For the next few minutes I bustled round, finishing the tasks that we had begun together and then put the kettle on. My feelings were in turmoil; disgust, horror and shame; sympathy, understanding and love; all churning together in the maelstrom of my thoughts. Part of me was disgusted that Victor could actually sell his body to be abused by other men for money; ashamed that I had been involved sexually with a whore. There was understanding of his unwitting and naive involvement with prostitution and admiration for him for the way in which he had been able to be honest and trusting with me. Underlying all of this was the certainty that I had to give him what support I could. There was a gut feeling that I wouldn't be able to resist if he wanted to sleep with me again. I knew that I didn't love him; the attraction was sheer lust but no less of a consuming passion for that.

The kettle whistle sounded, drawing me back from my thoughts. I made two coffees and took them through to the bedroom. Danny was sitting on the edge of the bed wiping his eyes on his shirt sleeve; very much a child. I sat next to him and placed a mug of coffee in his hands. As he sipped it I spoke to him quietly.

"Sometimes it helps if you talk to someone about the things that hurt deep down inside. If there's anything you'd like to get out of you're system you can tell me if you like. I promise that it'll stay strictly within this room".

"It would be good to talk to someone" Danny answered. "I've bottled things up inside me for so long that I hardly know where to start".

"You've told me how Paulo came to your rescue in the station. Why don't you tell me why you ran away from home in the first place" I suggested.
"Victor's never told you anything about my family has he?" Danny queried. I shook my head. "That's as good a place to start as any" he said "I'm the eldest in my family" he continued. "My brother Nicholas would have been twelve now; and my sister Angela is nine. When I was younger we were all very close. Mummy and daddy made a wonderful home for us and we didn't really notice at first; only little things. Some days daddy would come down for breakfast in a bit of a bad mood, or mummy simply wouldn't bother to get up and we would have to fend for ourselves. We could sense that something wasn't quite right. Then the rows started in front of us. At first they were conducted in a kind of fierce whisper, but over the next few weeks they began to get louder and louder until they were shouting at one another almost all the time. One day when Nick and I got home from school mummy wasn't there. A neighbour, one of mummy's friends, had made tea for us and she stayed until daddy came back. They had a blazing row, just like he used to have with mummy. He kept saying that she could have told him before so he could have stopped her. Eventually the neighbour got fed up of the shouting and walked out. My daddy went up to his bedroom and locked the door so that we couldn't get in. He stayed there until it got dark and when he finally came out he seemed a totally different man. He seemed smaller and older and there was a terrible sadness in his eyes. He came to us and sat us both on his lap and then he explained that mummy and Angela would never be coming back and that Angela would be having a new daddy".

"At ten, I was old enough to understand what he was saying but Nick was only seven and he couldn't take it in. He cried for mummy all the time; he wouldn't eat his meals and he began to wet the bed if he was left by himself. In the end daddy began to let Nick sleep in the big double bed with him. I began to feel pushed out at this and started to have nightmares, so in the end daddy took me in the bed with him as well. I remember that it felt so safe and secure; at least for the first few weeks; at least until....." He trailed off, a little catch in his throat. His hands started to shake so I took the coffee cup off him and put my arm around his shoulder to comfort him.

"It's all right Danny" I said soothingly. "You don't have to tell me anything else if it's going to be too painful for you".

He shook his head. "I want to talk about it" he said. "I've never told anybody about this before; not even Paulo. It'll be a relief to tell someone at last". He wiped his eyes again and snuggled into the crook of my arm.

"Something woke me up one night" he continued. "Daddy was laid with his back to me and he was making some peculiar little noises; like little sighs and gasps. Nick seemed to be playing with something at the bottom of daddy's stomach. For a second I thought that Nick had brought one of his toy's into the bed with him but then I realised what it was. Nick was playing with daddy's penis, which was sticking out of his pyjamas".

"I knew that what daddy was letting Nick do was horribly wrong, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight. I was a little bit excited too. Nick suddenly caught sight of me watching and looked up at me.

Daddy realised I was watching ; turned over suddenly to grab me and told me that unless I promised to keep what I'd seen as our little secret I'd have to go back to my own room and stay by myself at night. He said that little boys shouldn't spy on other people and that if I ever told anyone I would be taken away and locked up in a home for naughty boys. I remember that when he had me thoroughly terrified, he put his arms around me and told me that he loved me very much".

Danny was crying again now, but I felt that perhaps I should pull away a little. He had just said that his father had held him in his arms in the same way that I was holding him and instinctively I thought this might be upsetting him more than the memories that he was recounting to me. As soon as I tried to disentangle myself though, he stopped me. "I know what you're thinking" He said, "but it's completely different with you. I trust Victor completely and he trusts you, so I feel that I can trust you as well. I feel safe and happy here and I need someone to cuddle me at the moment". We sat for a while in silence; me holding him protectively and trying to imagine what he must have gone through. Danny suddenly spoke again.

"In all the time after that, daddy never touched me once" He said "He and Nick seemed to have this special bond that I was never part of. Usually if he wanted Nick to do anything he would send me to my bedroom but once or twice he didn't seem to care if I was there or not".

"After a few weeks I started sleeping in my room again because I wanted to and over a period of time I was able to push all those memories to the back of my mind. I never saw anything again and Nick never talked to me about what went on. In fact he never seemed to talk to me about anything. He had no friends and he never went out of the house unless he had to; to go to school for instance. I knew he was very unhappy but I didn't know what I could to about it. And then suddenly he was dead". he paused for a moment as he remembered and then, brokenly, he forced himself to go on.

"His body was found at the bottom of a quarry. The Coroner said that it was an accident but inside I knew that he'd killed himself". A face flashed before me and I gasped! Tony! Danny seemed not to notice. "A few weeks later the police came and took daddy away and I suddenly found myself in a children's home. At he time I really didn't understand what was going on and no-one had told me anything. I realise now that the authorities must have found out about daddy and Nick. I suppose if I'd hung around they would have started asking me questions but I ran away after one night. I thumbed a lift in a lorry and the driver gave me a pound for wanking him off. I was so naive that he had to show me what to do! I felt sick afterwards, but it was easy compared to some of the things I had to do later. For the next couple of weeks I hitched my way round the country, hanging about outside transport cafes for lifts and sleeping anywhere that I could find. I did whatever was necessary to earn money for food. Eventually I found my way to Blackpool and you know the rest of the story"

"When Paulo got you involved in....; with his clients" I corrected, "Didn't that upset you after what happened to you before?".

"Not really. By the time I got to Blackpool I felt so unclean and disgusted with myself about some of the things I'd had to do just survive that I didn't really care what happened to me.

The only thing I was sure if was that I wasn't going back into care even if I had to follow Nick and kill myself. Paulo seemed to sense all this. He was very gentle and kind to me and he gave me a bit of pride back. He told me at that first meeting what he did for a living but he
also told me that he would put me up without obligation until I sorted myself out. He was as good as his word too. When he thought that I was ready he put a proposal to me. I could start working for him if I wished and he would make sure that I was very well looked after. Alternatively I could have a room in a house that he owned, pay a small rent on it and go my own way. By this time I'd realised that at my age there was only one way realistically that
I could earn enough money to live on, whether I stayed with Paulo or went out on my own. At the point the choice became clear so I stayed with Paulo. Again he was as good as his word. He kept me supplied with good clients and I never had to do anything that I didn't want to. You probably know from Victor that boys like him and me don't have a very long shelf life but when I moved on, Paulo gave me a very fat bank book".

"What happened to you when Paulo got arrested?".

"I was out of the country when that happened. I was on holiday in France with one of my regular friends. Sort of escort service for him. He didn't like going on holiday by himself and he was very undemanding; mostly he just wanted someone to talk to. Anyway, I only got back the day before we came to Bradford. Zandra was waiting at the station for me. She told me what had happened and advised me to get out of town as fast as possible. She'd managed to grab some of my personal things out of my room before the police got there and she took me to a friend's flat where she'd stashed them. When we got to the place Victor was there too, so after a bit of discussion he decided to take me with him. That's how I ended up here". He smiled ruefully at me "I don't know what I'd have done if Victor hadn't been there at the flat. I'd probably have been back in a children's home by now".

"You seem to have had a hell of a time this last few years" I mused, amazed that he'd ever managed to survive with his sanity intact. "If you don't want to be by yourself tonight you can stay here with me. I've got some spare pyjamas in the drawer over there". I disentangled myself from him and went to get two pairs. "I'll go make us some more coffee while you're getting changed" Tossing one pair over to him, I took the other pair with me.

After the coffee we talked for a while longer, finally falling asleep chastely in one another's arms.

********************

I am alone on a beach. Somewhere in the distance, sounds from a party carry towards me on the breeze. The night is cold and sharp and the stars sparkle fiercely in the velvet concavity of the sky. Under my feet shingle crackles beneath my feet as I walk.

I can't remember having been on this beach before but it seems familiar. The sound of shells crunching under my soles and the tang of ozone mingled with something indefinable kindle a memory deep in my subconcious. The sounds of the party are growing louder as I move steadily towards a distant tower.

Breasting a dune I encounter a group of revellers dancing in a wildly majestic frenzy to the crashing of the waves and the whispering of the wind. Cloaked but otherwise naked, the dancers circle a large stone slab upon which a bundle of indeterminate identity lies. I refuse to approach the circle and turn rapidly away, recommencing my walk towards the distant tower.

Behind me I can hear the rapid approach of many feet and I am quickly surrounded by a horde of people. Swept along by them I lose control of my destination. The stars begin to flare; a multi- hued halo of light flashing rhythmically to the beat of a Rolling Stones record. I find myself on the dance floor jerking spasmodically to the music, matching moves with a figure in a long cloak. I refuse once more to involve myself and walk away from the crowd. The figure in the cloak follows, imploring me without words to stay with him. It is a man; or a boy. I know that without knowing how I know; and I also know that I do not want to confirm my knowledge.

The figure grasps my shoulder and I pull away violently, running to avoid the contact. As I run, the tower reappears before me, sticking out of the stygian blackness and beckoning me; a place of safety. The darkness enfolds me, soothing my fears and enveloping me in warmth and security . I allow myself to collapse to the earth, gasping painfully; and oblivion sweeps over me.